Scars - Physical vs. Emotional

Scars - Physical vs. Emotional)

(Note:  I wrote this 4 years ago with the intention of posting it, but it looks like I never got around to doing that, so after reading it again, I decided this needed to be posted)

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After having my 6th surgery in 5 years, I have a lot of scars. Some healed to the point of not being able to see them at all, and a few I will likely have the rest of my life.  While the newest ones still hurt a little, they are healing.  They will get better.  The others are just cool little reminders of what happened.  They don’t hurt at all.  That’s because, in most cases, physical scars typically heal, at least the “pain” part of them.  

Emotional scars are an entirely different story. 

I’ve seen a lot about bullying lately.  Both on Facebook and on TV.  It’s really sad to me, because I just don’t get it.  Why do people feel the need to bully other people?  God made us all different.  How boring would it be if we were all the same?  Everyone has his or her strengths and weaknesses.  We should support people with our strengths and allow others to support us where we are weak.  This builds relationships.  This builds friendships.  This builds community.  How much better would this world be if we all understood and practiced this? 

All throughout my school years, bullies targeted me.  Parents used to tell me, “They pick on you because they like you.”  Let me just say this:  “Poppycock.”  Don’t ever tell your kids that.  It’s not true.  They would tease me relentlessly over anything little thing they could find.  Hair color.  Weight.  Birth defects.  Worse of all, when my parents divorced, that gave them even new fodder to play with.  

Once I got to 7th grade, my parents sent me to a Christian school.  Here’s a secret for you.  There is no shortage of bullies in Christian schools!  In fact, I’d dare say that Christian schools have every single type of “problem” that public schools have…and probably even some unique ones too.  You see, Christian schools tend to have kids from “richer” families, because they aren’t cheap.  The few kids (like me) who did not come from “richer” families didn’t have the name brand clothing, the newest toys, the coolest cars to get picked up in, etc.  So that’s even more fodder to be teased about.

Yeah, I got tired of always being the “last kid picked.”  Moreso, I got tired of being reminded that “The last will be first.”  While that is a spiritual truth, it certainly wasn’t a physical truth for the time.  

One of the things I remember most was this girl that I had a huge crush on at school.  Let’s call her Linda.  Hopefully that is not her real name.  I don’t remember.  I’m old.  I was told by someone that she liked me and wanted me to ask her out and said that she wanted me to sit next to her in class.  I should have known because of who told me this, but I bought it.  I get to class, and there is a seat open next to her, but everybody was watching. I go to grab the seat, and she gave me the dirtiest look ever and the whole class erupted in laughter. She then got up and moved to an entirely different part of the room.  I don’t remember the full details of what happened after that, but I learned that even the “pretty girls” could be bullies. 

I wish I could say that this was the only case I remember, but it’s not.  I could probably write an entire novel of day by day instances.  Probably hour by hour in some cases.  But I’m not going to do that.  See, I’m not here to gather pity from you all.  I’m over it.  In fact, all is forgiven.  I hold no grudges.  Some of the bullies may even be Facebook friends now.  (Don’t go through my friends list trying to determine who they could be…if you are one of them, don’t worry.  You are forgiven). 

You see, I’ve pulled through.  God allowed me to experience life the way that I experienced it so that I could share with others that you are more than what has happened to you in your past.  Your past hurts do not have to define you.   Same goes to you if you were a bully.  Your past mistakes do not have to define you either.  

Scars show the healing power of the Lord.  God made us extremely resilient.  If we get a cut, our body instantly starts working to heal that.  We don’t have to schedule it.  We don’t have to think about it.  None of our “CPU” gets bogged down healing our bodies.  (Sorry, I’m a nerd, can’t help it).  If there is a scar left behind, it’s evidence of closure.  The blood is contained.  The scabs are gone.  Just a mark on the skin.  

Emotional scars of a different story.  Our body doesn’t go into auto-repair mode.  We have to take that active role in processing what has happened and asking the Lord for healing from it.  HE then begins the work in our heart.  He gives us the ability to forgive others like He has forgiven us.  Emotional scars simply cannot heal without forgiveness.  Bitterness towards those that hurt us is like an infection.  We must forgive those that have hurt us.  We also must forgive ourselves for any bitterness we may have held.  Once the Lord has helped us with forgiveness and working through our hurts, it’s can be a compelling testimony to the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Another thing about scars is they can be a reminder not to repeat the same mistakes.  It can remind us not to run with the scissors.  Or they can remind us to be more careful not to hurt other people.  

It is likely everybody that made it this far has or had emotional scars from past relationships (whether romantic or just not).  We should use those scars to remind us to be more cautious on how we treat others.  They can also remind us of the type of people that we may not allow into our inner circles.  Yes, we are told to love our enemies, but we are not told to become best friends with them.  Your past should not define who you are or dictate your future, but it can inform you and your future. 

1 Corinthians 12:6-7 talks about Paul and his “thorn in the flesh.”  While we are never told what that is, whether it be physical (most likely) or emotional (doubtful, as the words “in the flesh” are used), we are told that Paul was able to use that to make a point.  God’s grace is sufficient.  His strength is perfect in Paul’s weakness.  Christ can meet us in our darkest hours. If we have emotional scars, He can remind us of His grace and forgiveness and never ending love.  The truth of the matter is that God sometimes allows us to experience these situations that leave scars to draw us closer to Him.  Psalm 51 is a great example of this.  King David’s scars from his sins reminded him of the abounding mercy and grace of God.  

We need to take our scars to Christ.  If that pain resurfaces (and it might), take it back…run…to Christ. He is bigger than any difficulty we may come across.  

These scars are our story.  We can use these scars to share our story with others.  They can bless others who are dealing with the same or similar scars.  Let me tell you a little secret though.  Sharing our story is the exact opposite of venting.  Sometimes venting may seem therapeutic, but it usually just makes things worse.  You see, it’s called venting, because we are letting off steam.  That steam can burn us and make things worse.  Instead, once we’ve experienced the healing process of Christ, and we’ve learned from that, we can then share what He has done for us.  He then gets the glory.  

One last thing to tell you here.  I’ve shared this part before, but I can’t express how much this has affected me in a positive way, and I have only the Lord to thank for this. 

As you know, I’m a musician.  Long story short, the second album I worked on was called “Stating The Obvious.”  It wasn’t intentional when my friend Joe and I wrote it, but it just sort of happened, it started to become my story.  Each song was like a chapter out of my life, even though Joe wrote many of the lyrics himself.  Once we realized that, we continued the process and even included extra liner notes in a 16 page booklet designed to look like a diary.  I can honestly say, that “Stating The Obvious” is my life story to that point in my life.  It tells the story of a believer who got hurt by everything / everyone around him, including a girl he was in love with, turned his back on God and ultimately came back.  It’s a modern day prodigal son story. 

This is not me trying to sell my music (but hey, if you are interested…just saying…)

Here is the cool part though…the person who funded this project (it was thousands of dollars) said he would fund it as long as we were willing to give it away to people who needed to hear it.  We could still sell the album, but to anyone who couldn’t afford it, we needed to give them a free copy.  And we did just that.  One day, a young lady contacted me via email and asked if she could buy a box of 50 from me to pass out to people.  I told her that if she promised to pass them all out, keeping only one for herself if she wanted, I would send them to her for free.  She agreed, so I sent them.  She then sent me a thank you card with $20 to pay for shipping, something I did not ask for, but it was a nice gesture on her part.  

Anyway, 6 months later…I got an email from a teenage guy saying that he was at a baseball game and someone was passing out free CDs.  He knew it would be a Christian CD, because who else would pass out free CDs at a baseball game.  He told me he almost threw it away because he didn’t want anything “religious.”  He was not a believer. He said that he was sitting on his bed with a  gun and was ready to kill himself, but something compelled him to listen to it and he did.  He said he listened to it over and over and read all the lyrics and all the liner notes.  He went on to say that he put the gun down and realized that what his life was missing was hope.  He said he asked Jesus into his heart that day.  He told me that his life was in complete ruins, and it would take a long time to get his life together, but he was going to let God take over from there.  Talk about an ultimate blessing.  Unfortunately, we’ve lost contact, and I do not know where he is right now, but I am looking forward to meeting him one day, even if it’s in Heaven. 

So, don’t let those scars weigh you down.  I did for the longest time.  It’s no good.  It’s no fun.  I found people that love me.  I found people that I can share my story with.  I found people that can encourage me when I need it, and I can encourage when they need it.  Most of all, Jesus has taught me that He can heal all those scars.  He taught me how to forgive.